Wednesday, April 10, 2013

One of those days...

My children are currently chattering in their rooms, instead of going to sleep.  I find it harder and harder to accept the learning curve at a new position.  I take on way too much, adding to my stress level because, sure, adding one more project to an already overloaded schedule makes perfect sense.  This is my life.

Remember this?

Blech on multiple levels (I'm currently going through an I-hate-my-body phase at the moment.  I find this happens from time to time when you have to put on 3 shirts in the morning to find one that fits.) but nonetheless, it didn't fit right.  Too big in some places, too small in others, too short, and all around just not a good fit.  So, it has now become this:

It's not as bright as the flash makes it seem, but there it is.  We'll try it again later.  I also know my monogamy wouldn't last with projects.

Obviously, this is a pair of socks.  I had actually planned a different pattern for this skein, but it kept resisting in my head, so I went with the voices.  Yes, sometimes I have those.  Since sock yarn doesn't count toward stash acquisition, do socks count toward project counts?  Also, since it's for Christmas, that means it REALLY doesn't count, right?

Two more exciting updates: I'm headed to Stitches South on Friday, and I get to test knit a super secret design by a really cool designer.  When I get started on it, I may give a little glimpse at least to the color of the project.  I'm vacillating between purple, grey, or green.  I think I'll have to check out one other place before I make a decision.  It may be Saturday before I can pick one, simply for time.  I found a lovely grey today, but I'm thinking purple or green would be lovely.

Have you been to Stitches?  I'm just headed to the market at my lunch.  I currently work about 5-10 minutes away, and with the entrance fee of only $10, I really can't resist.  I'm going to take some cash, head out, and hope for the best.  Who knows what I'll score?  I'll definitely stop by The Whole Nine Yarns booth, as I can't help myself saying hi to people I know.

I've been a little melancholy lately, as it's hard adjusting to a new place, with new people.  I never had a problem with change before, and other than this is not exactly the change I was hoping for, I was optimistic about this one.  I think most of it is the learning curve - I expect someone to review what I do before it's finalized, and that doesn't happen here.  So, I only find errors in retrospect, when they are on display for everyone to see.  I don't have a problem owning my mistakes, but I'd rather not do it in a public forum.  And be criticized and judged by everyone.  It's like a public hanging from the Old West - they march you up on the gallows, read the charges against you, let people pelt you with rotten fruit/vegetables/whatever's on hand, then put the rope around your neck and let you drop.  There is no sympathy, no empathy, no "just so you know for next time", nothing.  Usually, I'm not that thin-skinned, but here, it's just harder.  I don't know if it's because I'm old, because this is still not really what I want to do, because this is not where I want to be, because I'm trying to overcome too much at once, or what.  All I know is that although my burden is lighter (noticeably so), I still have a lot of tension in my back causing severe pain and I feel like crying.  I'm sure in a couple of months it'll all go away (or most of it, as I learn which end is up) and life will be fine.  In the meantime, I'm burying myself in some self-pity and yarn.  I find the two complement each other nicely.

I think I may have over-planned Christmas in my head.  I'm having visions of grandeur, since I'm about 8 months out.  I'm imagining a bunch of handmade gifts under the tree: gifts for family and friends, several handmade items for the kids, and it being a smaller, sweeter Christmas.  Here's my list of items to make: 13 pairs of socks (2 for children), 2 sets of Ysolda Teague's animals: Otto, Elijah, and Sophie, 2 quilts, 2 child-sized sweaters, and homemade stockings (in real stockings or cloth gift bags this year - nothing from the dollar store).  Does this sound too ambitious?  Maybe not, until you include the test knit I'm doing, the sweaters for myself I want to get done this summer, and the numerous other projects yet to be determined that I'd like to complete.  I think I need to simplify - don't you?  Either that, or clone myself.  Of course, learning how to knit while I'm asleep might be a more achievable goal.  Again, more melancholy feelings: if I didn't have to work, I could be at home, working on other things.  *Sigh*.  It's just one of those days.

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