Saturday, April 05, 2008

From Bad Moods to Bad Days

My apologies for those of you who tune in for knitting content. First, I know that there hasn't been a whole lot of that going on, at least not on here. Second, I really need to get this out. Please bear with me, and please comment.

I'll admit I make mistakes. I'll admit I make a lot of mistakes. And I probably make more than I should in some areas. However, I hate to feel like I'm being railroaded. Something's fishy in Denmark, you know?!

So, here's what's going on in a nutshell...I've been issued a "final written warning" at work. I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes. I'm human. I would think however that since retraining has been somewhat requested, you'd think someone would do something. I however have a bit of a conspiracy theorist in me, and I think there has been a budget cut and I'm the scapegoat. Maybe I am just that bad of a worker. Maybe I have just screwed up that much. But I'd think it would have taken a shorter amount of time to uncover my incompetence than 2 and a half years...don't you? Maybe my work ethic hasn't been as strong as it once was since having my baby. Maybe family comes first a little too often for corporate. Maybe since I don't want to pursue a masters' degree and a CPA, they don't think I'm worth keeping around.

I should have listened to my gut 3-6 months ago. I could feel it coming down the pipeline. I figured I would just be out-and-out fired...Georgia is an "at will" state...if they want to fire me, they can.

On the other hand, maybe I deserve this somehow. Not careful enough with tasks I'm given, getting a little too hurried and a little too sloppy...I can think of a dozen reasons for and against this.

What I don't understand is why me and why now. Why not 6 months ago, and why not someone else? Maybe I don't politic enough. Maybe I don't put on enough of a show for them. I'd start now, but since they've basically made up their minds (if I don't show IMMEDIATE improvement, I'm out), so is it too little too late? Do I even care enough if their minds are made up to put forth the effort? I know as a Christian I should always do my best. I thought I had been doing my best. Apparently, either what I think is my best really isn't, or it just isn't good enough for them.

I'm also in the process of figuring out who knows...I know of at least 3 people who know, and I didn't tell them. I know of one person who knows because I told her. So, there's 4 people, plus myself, who knows. I have a suspicion that 3 other people know, and at least one of them helped.

I'd really rather be a stay-at-home mom, but unfortunately, that doesn't pay the bills. We can't afford that right now (since I'm the only wage earner) but hopefully we can soon. In the meantime, I'm off to do a serious job search.

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